Hi everyone. Sorry for being the 3473284927 blog post today.
I'm just wondering because today, in the bus I was just thinking to myself and I somehow found myself in a very deppressed state of mind.
You know, it's all well and good clapping and cheering for friends as they own every event and it makes you fell good right? Like supporting someone. But after all that, like maybe it's just me, I get this really strong feeling of what might be regret? Definitely not envy. It's hard to explain. Why do I go in the non-competative races? Probably because I don't want to embarrass myself infront of fellow peers. That is inevitable. I can't run fast enough, nor long enough, can't throw far enough, can't jump far enough, can't kick hard enough I just cant do anything. Nor can I match up my lack of athletic ability with academic success. I'm dumb as a fucking doornob.
I just feel really bad at myself for not trying hard enough to excel. I know it's just the athletics carnival and stuff but seriously if the people around me-same age and everything- can reach a fitness and skill level so high. I wonder why I can't.
You see it's not that I can't. You never know maybe I can. My laziness just bugs the shit out of me. Why don't I bother trying? The problem is that even after beating myself up about it I still can get off my lazy ass and run down to the park and well...do something.
I dunno?... I'll try.
NB: This was supposed to be meaningful. :)
Whatta rant.
